A look inside...

What do you do when you find life putting you in a corner?
...turn the lights out, sigh and die a little inside?
I started down that road today...

A three legged stool am I, with one leg sawn half off;
Emotional instability is not something to be proud of!

It's either about being too complicated,
or complicating things too well...
Or having a spectacularly different mindset -
a different outlook to life and its challenges -
an upbringing with an enormous generosity of inputs
not shared by blood, concentrated or dilute.

I stared at the wall,
searching brick by brick,
for a sign -
a crack -
that blood supports blood.
I stared unblinking;
My eyes teared up;
An anaconda charitably metamorphosed into a turban for me -
lucky me! or not...

I blindly searched out my blankets -
one did not suffice.
Hiding, ashamed, in my warm cocoon -
unarmored to heart-shots
that disguise themselves
as well-intentioned advice,
as righteous boosts of encouragement,
as superior understanding seeking to lever me up
out of my own stupidity or disability...

But I am uncovering some idiocy...
Let me disabuse myself of any veil,
see my reflection the clearer!

Why am I thus unarmored?
My sense and my sensibility are in no way lacking.
If anything - the latter is rooted too deeply in me!

I have looked at the crystal of my understanding,
danced it this way and that...
allowed dancing rays to search out all possible angles...
searched deep for flaws...
hunted for broken symmetries...
and i find this out for myself:
the crystal is by no means perfect.
I have hewn it and honed it at the fires of my intellect
and my intellect is by no means the most acute.
But I am satisfied with the crystalline imperfections.
In truth, I find myself at the edge of pride -
conclusive and concrete -
that I lack no positives that blood seeks;
though I might not have reached that pinnacle of perfection
that Time encourages many to achieve;
but my time is yet to come...
And until then -
I have no need to hide my face from the sun.