The trek... Shingani Gudda and Arasinamakki, first day

*A quick aside: I've taken a valuable lesson from my friend Karishma and am gonna add some subheadings to make this loooong blog a little more reader-friendly, and a little less of a snore-causer :)*

And so I finally sit down to write about my trekking experience. Don't chalk up the delay to the idea that there's nothing much to write about! Au contraire, it was a brilliant experience filled with picturesque scenery, fresh air, gorgeous butterflies, mist covered mountains, green that was augmented by lucid rain drops that were a constant benediction, and oh wait - let's not forget the leeches... and the tiger droppings (I kid you not!).

I'm wondering if a chronological dysentry is what is called for here or a more artistic portrayal of things. In the end, I believe that a combination of the two will do very well :P

A Little Background:
To set the stage a little, I should recite the following short narrative. I have had the ardent desire to go a-trekking for a long while now, especially in the Karnataka area. An aunt of mine has been on quite a few treks and the favorite story that I recall of hers is her account of a night spent in a tree house in one of our Karnataka National preserve forests, overlooking a water hole and watching different animals break out of the surrounding wilderness to slake their thirst, cohabiting through necessity. She has mentioned many treks undertaken under the auspices of the bird watching club, the YHAI, BMC etc and ever since arriving in Bangalore, I was keenly driven to try atleast one, if not more. To that end, I joined the BMC (Bangalore Mountaineering Club), CTC (Chennai Trekking Club), and kept a watch on different orkut and facebook sites to get any details about upcoming treks. My main constraints were cost and safety. Since I was not earning at the time, and living with my mother (who had valid worries about safety and the unknown), and not knowing anyone else who was as mad about treks as I was, I was stuck firmly in the non-trekking arena for a while.

Recently (to be more exact: three months back), I started earning. Ever since then, I have been watching the emails from BMC and drooling, literally drooling and panting, over their various trekking activities. I was still a little unsure about going at it on my own with a bunch of strangers about whom I did not even have a clue as to any basic characteristics of the trekking group (average age, background, etc which would give me some idea about their idea of safety, wit and enjoyment and whether or not I would be able to fit in). Yeah, yeah, apparently I am as paranoid as my mum in some ways, and proud of it, mind ye! :P But about 2 weeks before the Shingani Gudda trek was to take place, my cousin mentioned that he was coming to town to meet me for the weekend, and could I plan some fun activity that we could do together? He's the outdoorsy type. And I also knew that another of my friends had similar aspirations with regards to trekking as I did. The stage was set, and my heartbeat was racing! I decided to go ahead and take the plunge and go out for the trek with strangers. Atleast I would have two known, fun people along with me who would keep me sane and definitely help us keep safe. We booked ourselves for the trip and started on the insane mission to be completely organized for the trek. We bought shoes, backpack for my friend, safety supplies, medical supplies, made lists upon lists, made phone calls upon phone calls, planned shopping trips around insane working hours... And finally the day dawned - Friday, that the adventure was to begin on!

D-Day arrives:
My cousin arrived by train and reached home before me (as I was stuck at work getting finished with the business details of getting out of a project and getting onto bench - yes - the "b" word that sounds the death knell to employees of service companies India-wide, especially in our recession-trammelled times). I got home, completely wired, yet sleepy, and sat around chatting with my cousin and my mum and being lazy because I was counting the hours before the adventure would start. Finally, after going out on a short trip to buy Glucon-D and Odomos, we took an auto and headed out to MG Road, Symphony theatre. We reached there well ahead of time, about 8:50pm, whereas the bus was to arrive at 10:30 pm to pick us up! My friend arrived at around 9:15 or so and we met a couple other people who were going a-trekking with us. There was another girl who hadn't been with this group before and one who had, as well as a couple people who were going on a different trek under the same BMC blanket.

Some Apprehensions being raised:
I remember this with a fond smile, but I am biting my tongue while writing the following up. There was one person who was heading for Kodachadri, which had the disclaimer of accepting only experienced trekkers (which I so was not so I decided not to dare it). He told us that he had sprained his ankle rather badly during a previous trek and had been limping for quite a while. He told us about leeches (about which pesky critters we had had a warning email), and other details that made me a little nervous. And by this time, both me and my friend had noticed that we had massive backpacks to other people's much more economical ones. Over-planning had struck at us with a vengeance. I'm sure that if we had not both been brown skinned, we would have been a charming shade of hot-pink! But, to get ahead of myself, we did have a very comfortable trip later and, since we were able to leave our packs at our base-camp, and let the bus take their weight during the journey to and from Bangalore, we were safe from the massive shoulder aches that would have been a definite accompaniment else! :) Thanks be to the god who watches over over-enthusiastic fools and provides cushioning for our backsides :P

The Start is well-organized:
So we were waiting in the Bangalore night air (which I somehow remember as being fresh, although near MG Road how that could be possible, I know not!), waiting for the bus that would be our portal to our friendly base-camp from which would ensue our journey to hitherto unknown splendors. After spending a year surrounded by the concrete jungle and mall-heading population that is Bangalore, this was an experience that I was looking forward to with a thirst that rivaled my thirst for a well-made triple-grande caramel macchiato which is truly the only main thing I miss about my past... After a little bit of milling around, and the required amount of confusion, we got to know one another a little bit, started a nervous chit chat that got more comfortable as time went by, and then headed off to a different venue where the bus was actually supposed to come by to pick us up... The best part is, that I don't believe that anyone got left behind! In a trip like this, it was really well organized... Cheers to BMC!

At the second pick up point, I bashfully went off to another female companion and expressed the desperate urge to find some facilities, so off we went (she was wonderful about making me feel comfortable about asking her for company - thank ye lass - you know who you are :) ), and went into another mall (heaven forbid), and hunted out the loo. We came running out after a harried sms sent by my cousin stating that the bus had arrived. On to the bus we went, quite tired and sleepy but I was nonetheless looking forward to the experience ahead!

Karnataka Roads (a short but necessary aside to vent my spleen):
I don't have much recall of the bus trip to Arasinamakki because I was unconscious through most of it. I remember waking up every once in a while when it felt like the bus was sure to overturn because of some satanic pothole that stood out from its hellish brethren. Bangalore roads, forgive me, Karnataka roads should have a disclaimer: Dislocated joints, broken bones, concussions generated by foreheads gently meeting with windshields or seats in front, are not our responsibility...

"Stream of Joy" BaseCamp:
Morning, cloud filled, fresh, green morning... We had reached our destination. Our base camp was a place known as "Stream of Joy" which sounds very artistically inane, but it was a brilliant place so I find myself having no arguments with its' owner's naming conventions. It was a collection of small one roomed shack-like buildings amidst a green so vibrant it hurt the eyes, in a valley that had to be reached by climbing down some steep steps, and walking over carefully laid bamboo-branches so as to keep people's feet from sinking in the wet, wet mud that was to be the least common denominator for everything we did henceforth. We blithely climbed down the concrete stairway, and went into an open-sided, covered area where we milled around, letting the knowledge that we were "there" settle into our consciousness - which I must say mine was still more than half in lalaland than not... :P

Armed with the knowledge that we were to be six girls in one room, with an attached bathroom (God is beautifully brilliantly stupendous!), I headed off in company to drop my backpack (which was getting strangely heavier with each step) off, and freshen up before heading off into wilderness. Bags dropped off, room looked at (one single bed and one double bed - I always had a very strong faith in the almighty - my faith deepend here I must say!), hot water given its due respect, dirt sheared off with our faithful body-washes... we headed out to some hot chai and breakfast. Now, a quick aside - I had been expecting muddy accomodations, and cold food... as we had had a specific email letting us know that luxuries would be unheard of in this trip - Neeraj - you liar! Breakfast was a pure Karnataka spread with paddu (I had never heard of it, and I am a fan now - a complete fan!), chutney, sambhar, and a sweet fried item which I do not know to name (it tasted like an appam). We had brought water bottles and some medical items to be carried during the trek, and among the 3 of us, we put it all into one backpack and the whole group set off after some photographic asides.

Introductions and Stretches:
We reach the road, and Ram (our lithe, energetic, extremely friendly, and very helpful adventure guide), yells out for us to get into a circle. After trying, and failing, to make the circle more circular, and less squashed, but succeeding in atleast making us spread out in some regular fashion, he tells us we're going to play a game. Well, first we introduced ourselves, but since there were about 31 people, I cannot remember the intros too clearly :P. After this, we played a quick game of Simon Says, during which he made us do a few excercises to loosen our muscles and hopefully prevent cramps (which worked for me!), and made us all yell "jugujugaa" in a hilarious fashion. I must say, very gratefully, that everyone in our group was very laid-back and ready to let go and have fun. No stiff spines to worry about here! We went off on the bus to the beginning of the trail.

And finally... The TREK:

The Way UP:
The actual trek was a delightful experience. It was also cold, wet, leechy, foot-numbing, head-ache causing, and, at places, nerve-wracking! But people were helpful, everyone was willing to laugh at the least provocation, and the surroundings were gorgeous enough to make up for anything! We picked our way through ups and downs, over rocks, through stream-beds, over broken tree-trunks trying to provide some more adventure to an already adventurous track, and my feet made it through! I believe I need the next size boots for my next trip, but the pain in my feet did not register much during the time I was on my feet. I finished up with a broken toe-nail and cramped toes, but helpful advice to take a crocin and rub my achey muscles with volini, took care of the pain overnight. My rain coat was entirely superfluous because I ended up the day with not an inch of me dry. We had some fun experiences with leeches, after which we spent about every five minutes examining any open skin for their friendly presence. Leech alerts were called quite often, with the spray holder trotting to and fro, trying to make the little pests curl away from tender human skin and not cling quite so true anymore. We hiked and hiked with no end in sight, taking a few breaks, with great initial energy that was not dampened too much by the continuous rain, until we came to a break in the trees. We reached open ground and looked about at mist ridden, green surroundings and peered at the peak which we had yet to climb. The mist helped I must say, else I might have balked if I had seen clearly how much was yet left to be climbed.

On we plodded, with the local guide (an old granther in a red turban carrying a wicked looking sickle, scraping off leeches with his blade with a gap-toothed, carefree smile - he was adorable!). I must say, were it not for the encouragement of my friend's helpful hand and my ankle boots keeping me from spraining any part of me, and were it not for the frequent smiles from the rest of the gang, I might have given in to weariness and decided to take a lengthy break at some point. But the damp, the cold, and the tiger dung, did not stop me from continuing on - and that makes me feel pretty darn good about myself... :) The way went on to be pretty steep, with only a couple feet between my feet and the edge, and my main company other than the group was the knowledge that if I lost my footing, I would keep rolling till eternity held me captive. But there were people around to stop that from happening, and I managed to keep a smile on my face and the adventure kept my blood running and my feet warm, and my complaints were hopefully minimal as I trudged up the steep slope through broken rocks coming to flat areas once in a while, which seemed to be islands of peace and quiet in a world gone mad with workaholics and malls, walled away from the universe with curtains of mist and dew that, while being cold, kept me invigorated and fresh at the same time.

The PEAK:
We reached the peak - He had continued to watch over his little fool - and I had reached with no problems and a reserve of energy that was to be used while getting down. The wind blew hard, and the rain lashed at us, and all of us sat down to chow and get some much-needed nourishments into our systems before attempting the steep forbidding climb downhill. The food was ambrosia, literally! It pumped some life into my arteries and let me smile for the photographs and helped me shudder a little less at the idea of walking all the way back (oh I felt puny and wrung out - but I was still happy - and I continue to be so!).

The Way DOWN:
Then we toiled and trudged and added a few laughs on our way down. A few of us graced the hills with a solid impact of our backsides. The rest deigned to drop some pearls of laughter and provide a few more mLs of blood for the native inhabitant leeches (my cousin's blood was apparently very tasty - pore lad). The way back was faster, but felt like it was never-ending. A ready hand and a ready ear to listen to my complaints from my friends helped ease my heart and my way down. Although my poor feet were surely ready to curse in every known human tongue by the time we finally came to the end of the trek. Our sweet, tiger-dung identifying, leech-adoring, snake-skin-wearing guide, lengthened our route for us by making us turn back in the middle when we should have continued on, but Neeraj - I forgive you as you more than made up for it throughout by joking around and helping us laugh ourselves brighter and organizing such a brilliant trip! thanks to you and Ram da!

It was a wet, bedraggled, yet happy lot that ended up back on the bus. We had a little bit of an adrenaline injection when we found two of our group missing, but the guide and Ram brought them back to the fold with nothing to bring the general feeling of well-being down.

Temporary Insanity:
We got off the bus and some completely insane people actually raced down the road to base camp (you guys are awesome fun! :P I wish I had had the energy to do the same and I completely bow down at you energy levels, milord!). The rest of us, who had kept our sanity, plodded on like old, drooping camels, and caught up when the "children" ended the race (this is pure jealousy talking here - I wish I had been one of them!). We stopped off to take some pics of pretty scenes along the way and my friend decided he wanted a photo of a non-existent cave, so he forced the surroundings to take on the "cavey" look and somehow ingeniously succeeded in getting a strange such photo. Then we looked with joy and gratitude at the signpost for "Stream of Joy".

Winding Down:
Back to base camp, where as-much-as-you-want hot chai, and mmm hot coffee, hot, soft bondas and chutney were awaiting our pleasure. We ate and "kodaked", milled around, gossiped, got to know each other a little bit more, then headed for our rooms. I went in, sat down, and the gals pointed out that I had blood on my pants. I gulped, pleaded with the others to butt ahead of them in the loo-going line (which they so so generously let me - and I am infinitely grateful to them as I know how much of a sacrifice waiting for hot-water was at that moment), went in to bathe and found, to my dismay, a leech-site. That is to say, the leech was missing (else everyone at camp would have heard my scream of disgust and fury), but the blood was flowing freely thanks to the pest's infusion of its' saliva that stopped my blood from clotting. Oh, it was nothing bad at all, just an irritation. After a hot bath and letting my feet uncramp, putting a band-aid on the leech-site, and sitting down on my butt to get my considerable weight off my poor feet, I felt more human once again.

There was to be a night trek that night which I decided not to join. But we all got together in front of the next room, and played a little bit of musical chairs for seating was short, and dumb charades, where people came up with insane movie names like Yojimbo and Mr Holland's opus which the actors were somehow able to handle. All in all, it was hilarious and heart-warming and I saw the brave night-trekkers off with nod of my head at their wonderful enthusiasm, crashed on the single bed, gossiped a little with a fellow crasher, and did not hear or see anything till the light of a new day teased at my eyelids.

A quick update

This is one of those times when things are running so smoothly... that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop... Did I describe myself an optimist? Well, yes, I usually am. But the order of my universe usually does not lend itself to smooth roads. My roads tend to have mucky stretches and grassy ones, hiding stones and potholes and ice patches along the way. So, the moment it comes to my notice that I've had a week of rather smooth sailing - my frown comes out, my suspicions go on high alert, and I'm waiting for the current reigning deity to start showering some ice showers down my collar... :P But hey, if it does not come to that - I will be more than happy!

I saw one raven, then two, then three, and now I think I set my eyes on about five! Umm... I don't remember the rhyme past "three for letter" so I do not think I'm going to assign any supernatural significance to my raven sightings.

Uh oh - did I just ask for trouble? :P This weekend has been taken over by trekking plans. We go to Shingani Gudda and Arasinkere. There is to be a nice climb over the charmadi range(in apparently rainy, leechy conditions *shudder*) and a night walk through the jungle. There will be tented accomodations and sleeping bags and fun minus the luxury and comfort that normal human beings are used to. There are also plans for a river walk (literally walking along the river bed in water) and some other understated activities (which have me going hmmmm). The group going turns out to be 31 people strong and a couple more friends would like to join as well. I hope BMC is nice enough to accomodate them.

I have been wanting to go on a trek for such a long time, that this almost comes as something of an anticlimax. Ok, I wouldn't go that far. I'm excessively excited about this! And hopefully, I can make this a regular part of my weekends... :) I hope the smooth sailing continues this weekend!

Merry meet and merry part till we merry meet again!

about Deism... from wiki :)

*Me being a constructive Deist, figured I'd better post something informative about it - Wikipedia came in extremely handy!

I disagree with:
Rejection of all religions based on books that claim to contain the revealed word of God.
Rejection of Judaism, Christianity, Islam and other religious beliefs.

The books not be the literal word of God, but they do contain marvelous pearls of wisdom. Many of the human interpretations may be wrong but I believe that the basic philosophy of all religions is one and the same... This is why I specifically label myself a 'Constructive' Deist.*


Deism can be a belief in deity absent any doctrinal governance or precise definition of the nature of such a deity. Deism bears a relationship to naturalism. As such Deism gives credit to the formation of life and the universe to a higher power that by design allows only natural processes to govern creation.

Critical and constructive deism

The concept of deism covers a wide variety of positions on a wide variety of religious issues. Following Sir Leslie Stephen's English Thought in the Eighteenth Century, most commentators agree that two features constituted the core of deism:

* The rejection of revealed religion – this was the critical aspect of deism.
* The belief that reason, not faith, leads us to certain basic religious truths – this was the positive or constructive aspect of deism.

Deist authors advocated a combination of both critical and constructive elements in proportions and emphases that varied from author to author.

Critical elements of deist thought included:

* Rejection of all religions based on books that claim to contain the revealed word of God.
* Rejection of reports of miracles, prophecies and religious "mysteries".
* Rejection of the Genesis account of creation and the doctrine of original sin, along with all similar beliefs.
* Rejection of Judaism, Christianity, Islam and other religious beliefs.
* Rejection of belief in the Trinity and/or the divinity of Jesus.

Constructive elements of deist thought included:

* God gave humans the ability to reason.
* God exists, created and governs the universe.
* God wants human beings to behave morally.
* Human beings have souls that survive death; that is, there is an afterlife.

Specific thoughts on aspects of the afterlife will vary. While there are those who maintain that God will punish or reward us according to our behavior on Earth, likewise there are those who assert that any punishment or reward that is due to us is given during our mortal stay on Earth. Some do not believe in an afterlife.

a strange ode!

So I set to pondering
What can i present
To spread xmas cheer
that my daddy might be lacking...

I hit upon an idea
what about a tie
but that wont work
what i need is a panacea...

so i went on bouncing
as the bus bumped along
ideas winked by

An equivalence...

There is one topic that has been constantly rattling about my brain waiting to be put into words. However, this topic is so close to my heart that I am afraid I will not do it the justice it needs. It's actually a very simple topic - imagination.

You see, I went into Physics in the first place because it grabbed at my imagination, forced me to widen the boundaries of my insight and 'dream-sight', if you can call it that. I would be reading about galaxies or about the atom, then just sit back and picture these strange, wondrous objects sprinkled with the magic of a little-understood truth. I was able to take these words on paper and these math equations and visualize a universe gone mad with them.

But I always wondered... How did Newton come up with the laws of motion in the first place. How did Galileo make his jumps of intuition. How, in all the heavens, did Einstein come up with GR and the concept of the space-time continuum and Heisenberg, his uncertainty principle? Where did these thoughts germinate? What fertile brains they must have found to take seed in! And I would wonder, am I capable of such deep intuition? Is it possible that I can look at a construct, or a theory, and by induction or leap of intuition, will I ever be able to extend the theory or even, heaven's forfend!, come up with something entirely new?

Theoretical Physics for me is like the world of fantasy. It is not quite so hard to take what is already known, take a few facts and legends and extend upon this already well-known theory. However, when a physicist wends his way into the complete unknown, like in General Relativity or String Theory or Chaos Theory, the fruits of his labor are that much more mind blowing! Quite similar to how I view the works of Mercedes Lackey and quite a few other fantasy authors. When a good author creates a world all of her own, creates the intricate web of rules which guide each character and ability in such a way as to encapsulate that entire world, and is able to actually show the reader the different facets of such a world... I find it equally worthy of respect. It might seem like a gross insult to some that I compare physics and fantasy. But, you see, to me they are one and the same in essence.

In physics, you can find experiments to actually prove that these are the laws that guide our universe. In fantasy, you can create thought experiments that can easily show the flaws in the logic and reasoning behind the specific universe's rules. Both require that the theory flows without breaks, runs without hitches and requires a brain fully capable of bringing forth a snowdrop from rocks as from rich soil.

My favorite author, Lackey, brings me fully to my knees. She has, to my knowledge, come up with Valdemar, the Four-Hundered Kingdoms, the Elemental Masters, the Elves and Bards cohabiting our universe, and some other science fiction as well. Valdemar looks to be a world much like ours, more idealistic, where energy is conceptualized as mage-energy which resides within the earth in much the same way as water would in uneven ground. She lays down the rules within which constraints these energies can be used by people with the ability to sense them. And then, she brings out special characters who are strong enough and imaginative enough to bend the rules. It's enormously brilliant! Her Four-hundered Kingdoms is an entirely strange land where the breaking of Tradition (the fairy tale traditions), causes energies to build up around the hero/heroine (because the Tradition wants them to go down certain paths and tries to inject more energy to push them down those paths) and these energies can be transmuted and put to different uses if the user is educated in such ways. The Elemental Masters is a beautiful, logical yet magical portrayal of our fairy tales where the heroine is Not just a blonde helpless beauty waiting helpless to be rescued by an inane, brainless hero who fortunately has the backing of some magical creature with brains and an agenda (that thankfully does not lead to entire tragedy and heartbreak for our children). And finally, the Bards and Elves coexist with human beings in our universe where music can penetrate the barriers of the world to bring creativity (which is its own style of magic) and magic which go hand in hand with one another, all while keeping the general non-magic population completely unaware of what happens on the other side of the curtain. One person, many worlds. And yet, in a lot of her works, although the rules of the game are different, the inherent philosophy for her humans and other thinking beings, is very clearly, logically and empathetically displayed for her readers and I find that my philosophy about a lot of things in life follows hand in hand with hers.

The same way, if you look at Richard Feynman, my physics hero... you will see his imagination is mind-boggling as well! Of course, it is a little harder to explain in simple terms. But maybe I will try to write it out a few blogs down the line. This blog has already become huge! So I go work now... :)

... and a final word about her religion.

*now this is a little harsh - but the shadings of the truth are present... again for all organized religions of the world today - I tried going with Wicca once - it's not bad - but I find that the amount of imagination required is a little tiring. And the other problem about Wicca is that, although we can crib about misinterpretation and human hunger for power in translation when it comes to any of the sacred texts - those same texts, when interpreted as per each of our learning and knowledge and morality, are immensely useful in giving a broader perspective of things. Wicca does not have that advantage.*

What about Valdemar could possibly seem so threatening to a religion?

:There is no one true way,: Taver said. :That is what threatens the Sunpriests; that is what terrifies them. If you offer that to people, you offer them freedom, and you challenge those who claim ultimate authority. If you offer that, you give people options. The Sunpriests rely on being the ultimate, unchallengeable authority; their lives depend on the very opposite of options. Their rule depends on their followers having no options, and relies on blind belief and even blind obedience.:

...and about honor

In the following lines, I like how Lackey brings the grey areas into her definition as well - where included by the words 'also' and 'unless'... She brings the a little bit of realism into what is largely an idealistic concept...

Honor was never taking the easy way when it was also the wrong one. Never telling a falsehood unless the truth was painful and unnecessary, or a lie was necessary to save others. Never manipulating the truth to serve only yourself. Protecting the weak and helpless; standing fast even when fear made you weak. Keeping your word.

... what she says about love...

Love now-a good, solid love is something infinitely rare and difficult
to maintain, because you don't know everything your partner is feeling.
Love takes work. Love means being able to apologize and mean it when
you blunder. Love is worth fighting for!

One of the very things that made what Van and I have a love-match as
well as a lifebonding was that we were so different. It is like a
marriage - you marry who you think your beloved is, and then discover
who they really are over the years. It's that discovery that makes a
marriage work. We did have things in common, lots of them, but you
would never have assumed that from first seeing us. It made hunting
and finding them all the sweeter. And it gave us chances to introduce
each other to something new. 

Love is as much trust as it is devotion. Oh, there is no such thing as
perfection, or a "perfect" love. I doubt there is even perfection in
the Havens. Wouldn't perfection be a bore?

Build on what you have, children, the foundation is a good one, so now
see what kind of a house you can raise. And don't worry if the windows
aren't the right size, the door is too tall, or there's dust on the
mantelpiece. Just make sure the walls and the ceiling are sound, and
make certain your home holds laughter. The dust will take care of itself.

...and they tell me not to read fantasy!

Quick aside: This holds good for all the organized religions of today, or so I believe... unfortunately :( This is why I call myself a constructive Deist! ;)

Excerpt from Lackey's 'Exile's Honor':

"I'm hunting answers myself."

Geri regarded him with a somber gaze. "You, of all people, ought to know that you aren't going to find many of those here. Questions, certainly, but precious few answers. Ours is a faith, Alberich, not a map or a guide, and certainly not a set of certitudes. At least, that is the way it should be—"

"Not what it has become." He said that sadly, and once again, he was back in childhood, with that kind, yet stern priest, who tried to show him in ways a child would understand, just what the Sunlord was and was not. "We are the mirror of Valdemar—"

"More like the twin. Or we were, before things disintegrated." Geri sighed. "I've had this discussion with Henrick, actually. He is of the opinion that the long slide began with a will to power. I think it's more complicated than that. I think that the priesthood was corrupted by the congregation."

Alberich blinked. "How, exactly?"

"The laity wanted absolutes, answers, and the priesthood finally elected to give them answers, the simpler the better," Geri replied. "The Writ took second place to the Rule, and a poor second at that. The answers took away all uncertainty, and what is more, took away the need to think."

Alberich frowned; not for nothing had he spent so much of his childhood under the tutelage of a priest who knew—and lived—the old ways. "Above all, the Writ demands that a man—or a woman, for that matter—learn how to think."

Geri nodded. "You see? The old ways require that each person come to the Sunlord having thought through everything for himself. The current Rule requires that men become sheep, herded in one direction, following one path, pastured in one field, ever and always, so will it be."

"Sheep." It occurred to Alberich that it was probably no coincidence that the Sunpriests of Karse had taken to calling their congregations by the name of "flock."

"Sheep don't have to think for themselves, do they?" Geri made a face. "The Sunlord was reshaped from the Unknowable into the remote but predictable Patriarch, from the Whirlwind to the windmill that grinds—exceedingly small. Do this—you are gathered unto His bosom. Do that—you are cast into the outermost hells." Geri shook his head. "Answers are terribly seductive. The simpler they are, the more seductive they become."

Alberich turned that over in his mind, and found it certainly matched some of his own experience. "But that isn't the whole of it," he objected.

"Of course not. I just suggest that this was where the corruption started," Geri replied. "Then came the power, power that came from giving people what they wanted instead of what they needed, and power is just as seductive and even more addictive than any drug. Now—I don't know, Alberich. I don't know how it can be fixed. Or even if it can. It would take the Sunlord Himself in manifestation, perhaps. And someone as the Son of the Sun who is willing to hold to the hard course and be disliked, even hated."

"And loved."

"And loved," Geri agreed. "At one and the same time, and probably by the same people. Because when you demand that each situation be considered separately, and not responded to with the predigested Answer, you are always going to anger someone since you're always going to disagree with someone. Probably even someone who agreed with you the last time, and now takes this new response as a betrayal."

Alberich smiled sourly. "It would take the Sunlord Himself to protect someone like that."

The path less taken - with a lot more friction!

There is a very beautiful saying:

The road to Disaster is ordered by the Righteous, planned by the Well-meaning, and paved with their good intentions.

I took this right out of Mercedes Lackey's Shinain sayings. Ok, maybe beautiful is not apt for this quotation, I'd say, dead-on is probably the better adjective in the world of slang.

Now, as an aside - slang is so wonderfully useful to convey the nitty gritty nuances of what we want to say, isn't it? Totally useful!

Back on topic: So you have this person, let's call him person A. He is surrounded by his little circle of life composed of his nuclear family, his extended family, his friends and his acquaintances. Within this little circle, you have his well-wishers, his rivals, his coat-climbers, his nemeses... He knows, quite clearly, who is what and how much each person means to him and vice-versa. He knows immediately what advice to discount, without any guilt, from any of his far acquaintances or the people who, he judges, wish to add negativity to his life. He also knows that some people in his circle wish only to help him but who are wise enough to let him find his own path through life. Because let's face it, no two paths are alike - similar maybe to a remarkable extent, but as long as each individual can think for himself, he's never going to be heading the same way as anyone else at every single cross-roads. He knows however, that these people are always there to turn to, who will help with no favors asked, or judgement imposed. Then there are the other loved ones who believe that just because they love, they have the responsibility to shine the light on every single corner of his soul. There might be dark corners that shy away from this intensity and camouflage themselves even better through subconscious manipulation (to his detriment), there might be sharp edges which cut out at the seekers and lead to growing pain for them as well as him, there might be outright helplessness at watching a path being drawn that completely misguides him because the seekers feel they know best... a million and one things... However, all this leads to is either a fight to develop his own character as he feels works best for him with the companionship of a guilt-laden emotional burden due to the need to fight with loved ones, or an equivalently guilt-laden trip down someone else's path, to someone else's goal with the constant knowledge that this is not of his seeking, not what will complete him, and even if he begins to enjoy the path, there is always the insidious knowledge that the one right that every human being deserves to enjoy was denied to him by the people he trusted the most. Hmmm, I guess I did not need the name A... a highly individualistic portrayal this is, is it not? Biased toward the individual. Of course, if this A has been brought up by responsible people, his character has been shaped and moulded in a way that will wish to follow societal norms as this is the path of least resistance. However, should he choose to rebel, with the knowledge of those norms and the knowledge that they exist to provide a relatively calm, cohabitable existance, his reasons should be given due weightage and he should be given the chance to see where his chosen path takes him.

The world needs change - stagnation only leads to mediocrity, or worse, superficiality in life. If a few, or more, individuals choose to take the path less taken, may the blessings of the universe be distributed equally to them as the rest of the general populace... :)

Arthurian romance

Come blue sky or twinkling stars,
Come wash away these petty days!
Lift us high into the dawn
Of the beauty and love of Arthurian lays...

Vicious circles/cycles...

What on earth do you do when you Know you're doing something you oughtn't or would rather not do, but watch yourself go ahead and do it anyway? It's like some sort of out of body experience - my second persona is sitting back with arms crossed and looking cross-eyed at my first persona going "no no you idiot! what are you doing??!!!". And my first persona just looks back at my second, frowns, shakes her head, shrugs, gives a wide-eyed look and gets completely tugged at by a current which she can see is leading her right into the rapids - but does she start paddling frantically away? No! Instead, the second persona watches astounded as the first paddles TOWARDS disaster! Second persona throws up her hands, cannot even walk away, and tries to talk sense into First persona. First persona is being reverse psychologied by the external universe into anti-survival symptoms of temporary insanity...

I'm just sitting here today Knowing exactly what I want to do. I want to be sweet, don't want to fight, want to bring a smile to someone else's face... and what happens? I have a wound from before, and unfortunately for me and the circle of my life, it's still open and keeps leaking some unhealthy fluids from time to time. So today, I come back, and my back is stiff... Because I'm prescient... I know that everytime I walk in, the wound will be poked at and prodded - by a complete innocent, mind you. But I come in expecting trouble, the least instigation and my back goes ram-rod straight, my hair stands on end, and my vocal chords get maximum exercise. What brilliance! Instead of trying to avert disaster, I ask for more! And the more I ask, the more I get... And I know how this cycle works... so why can I not break out of it? I thought I had gained distance and perspective - but I think (look at the previous post), I completely lost sight of the various roles that one person can take on. So, although I did not go insane, I'm still ruled by the emotional currents that ruled me three or more years ago. This shows utter stagnation! I wish I could just run off to the himis, stand on one leg like a stork under the sun and shadow, and breathe my tensions out into the snow while I slowly begin to resemble a snow-crow. I canna I canna... but hey - atleast I'm able to see that I'm helping the churning currents. Everyday I will try more to cut off the emotional chord that amplifies the torrents, and everyday I will be that much closer to success... Life's not all that bad - it's pretty darn good even though a lot of noise tries to drown out the signal. But I'm weeding out the noise makers - and I think I will finally succeed in reaching clarity and be able to close my eyes, breathe deep, and go to the top of Kilimanjaro in my mind's eye... Soon... one of these days... will tell you when I see it! :)

Take a step back...

You would think that once you find someone (anyone, a friend, relative, acquaintance), that you respect and with whom you are at the same level of understanding so that communication is entered into with ease... you would think that dealing with them is easy and logical. However, when it comes to the various games that people play, you again find that the same someone is no longer just a friend, but maybe also a counselor who you would rather not disappoint, or a person whose accomplishments become a yardstick by which you measure your personal growth, or a rival in affections for a grandparent, or a million other roles - most of them being subconscious. So, here's where it should be easy to step back, analyse and respond to situations in a cool, rational manner which leaves no room for misunderstandings. However, unemotional responses can be misconstrued as uninvolved relationships, rational responses can be taken as superior insults... Jeesh! what is a person to do! Stepping back too far? I'm quite certain it can only lead to insanity...

A moment caught

Gilded Feathers
Slashing sight,
Carry stillness profound
In frozen flight

Treasures in the dust

Silken webs
Of spun silver,
Clinging,
Sighing,
O'er soft, dark silhouettes,
behind grimy doors
shut long, long ago...
Opened anew...
To be gently held,
Caressed,
In the womb of treasured memories...

Just to be...

I want to go home, to my home, my heartland, my life!

I want to go to paradise, where there's air that sparkles and water that chimes.

I want to live my life on a small, gurgling stream;
I want to flow with it, floating serene over rocks and brine.

I want to cup my hands in the pure white life,
To lift it gently to my lips,
And swallow the purity of the forever time.

I want to sing a song,
That tinkles in harmony
With the soft blue laughter
Of cloud scudded skies.

I want to go slow,
Slow as a mountain's growth...
Slow as a flower's bloom...
Slow as the kindly wink of a misty fairy eye.

I want to wander,
Over crust and sea,
Over heaven and earth,
Over micro and mile.

I want to see,
To see the light:
The light that kindles!
The light that flies!

I want to free my mind, my soul and heart,
In a scream:
A scream that stills,
A scream that rocks,
A scream that cries...


I want to walk the grass,
And run the sea..
I want to feel the colors:
A part of me?

I want to be the sigh,
That grows from morn
And sets in the eve
In a quiet song.

I want to cradle the child,
The innocent babe,
That toddles and frolicks with elves and their throng...

I want to feel alive,
To taste the glow
That hides behind the knighted sky.

I want to breathe pure air,
To breathe golden fare that fills the stomach,
No need for wine!

I want to feel the heady rush,
Of wind that blows,
That weeps,
That flows...

I want to be...
Not the person I Ought to be...
No!

I want to be,
Just to be...
Just to enjoy and frolic,
In this heartland of mine...

I want to be...

Prayer for the day

I'm as taut as a guitar string that's been tuned too high...
Pluck me and I might call out the bats!

Today is my testing field.
Shall I prove to be strong?
Can I verbalize my convictions?
Or do I get mown down again,
By a will more durable than mine?
And see the course of my life
follow a path not of my seeking?
Leave me a dry hollow husk,
with complaints my only verbal decor?

Ah, I wish it will not be so!
That I be given a silver tongue -
that I be capable
of setting emotion and communication
on opposing sides of the table,
and express my views
calmly and forthrightly,
no matter the opposition!
I pray it is so!

The Artist

'Tis said -

A person must be like a quiet river
With deep mind and soul.

When life breezes and storms,
The superficial current may swirl and froth;
So may tidal waves be formed
With many a bank overflowed.

And yet -

At the deepest reaches
Of a still soul's caverns
Some artist sits quiet, alone
Peace within a fingertip's reach...

He carves and smoothes,
Hammers and chisels;
Soul fire and memories,
Principles and bedrock,
They all come under his rough hands...

He pounds the most cacophonous melodies
Into gentle harmonies...

He draws out the slightest essence
From silent days:

Of potentials fulfilled, or not...
Of sorrows imagined, or not...
Of smiles begotten, or not...

I can see him with my mind's eye
Within my mind's eyrie;
Looking on with an artist's critical view,
At a slowly revolving centerpiece
With mellifluous lights,
And discordant harmonies;

Oh! That my soul when measured
Crosses that threshold into his pride.

Then may I die happy...

Ramblings...

Oh, what a silly thing
to find my mind
quite without my grasp.

It jumps from hill to vale,
or glade to glade,
in a path that can't be mapped.

It rambles around
With no particular destination
Alighting here, fleeing there,
Drinking out of lakes
Or saline seas,
Joyous in its warblings.

Morality and survival...

Apparently, the notion that the super-sentient is seen as neither positive nor negative is advaitham... In all honesty, I disagree with the view that the sentient and super sentient are one and the same... but the sentiment that the super-sentient is neither positive nor negative is what I've believed in for a while now... I basically see the super-sentient as the basal form of energy in the universe and energy is neither positive nor negative. It just is! However, the uses it can be put to are either positive or negative for humanity, the universe etc. And that something that could be regarded as positive for humans could be negative for the other species or for the earth or for the universe and vice-versa...

The moral and social rules that we've come up with and that we ascribe to godly virtues are basically those rules that have evolved in order for human survival as a society so that we do not degenerate into chaos... This is not to negate the import of our wonderful kathas and expositions about our gods... It's just that we impose our view of good and bad on this energy.

I also believe that our belief itself has power (especially with the enormous number of people believing in the same thing!) and that this power in turn makes our minds focus in a certain way. Of course, this leads to the question that if our ancestors had decided that Vishnu was actually a rakshas and that Ravana was a god - would we have turned out any different? That if we had all been born completely black with red eyes (who knows what form evolution would have taken), would we have described gods the same way? And suppose society as such for humans was each individual for himself - well then would we have had a different definition for good and bad? And would our gods have taken on those inverted ideas of virtue? But this line of reasoning is not to say something negative - in fact i think this is the great power of the belief.

The requirement for survival of us humans as a social species pushes us along this path of morality that humanity has started down. Let us start supposing: suppose one family was capable of surviving entirely on its own without the need of any other human beings etc, suppose the urge for coexisting as part of a society did not exist, and suppose the definition that power is power over other humans had not been hammered into all of us.. Well, suppose there was one family that was capable of it... Would they not have killed everyone else off? Especially if they were capable of surviving forever... But of course, they wont survive forever! So, they propagate their species. And the fact that it's not evolutionarily (yeah - that's my dictionary) probable for humanity to continue without a large gene pool to mix and grow from is why we are as we are today.

This is one of the reasons i like physics or any of the sciences actually - I feel like we're truly trying to get the most basic understanding of the super-energy without imposing our mentalities or moralities on it. Because if you truly want to look at it, everything is beautiful - whether lotus eyes of the lord, or the red eyes of a mad bear... it's just how we decide to look at it. For instance - why would one want to call a rabid bear beautiful? It actually is - because it's part of the natural cycle... but our ancestors' studies and teachings are enormously important and we have learned that madness or insanity is not good for us humans as a society, so we call these traits unbeautiful. We define beauty and good in a way that protects survival and we live in a way that we find beautiful and moral.

If we do not feel that our lives are good and that we are doing well... then there's no point to life is there? The oldsters helped simplify survival into morality... :)

Spiritual education - some thoughts...

There might be something called the absolute truth - but does that negate the possibility of having different interpretations (differing for different personalities)? Wouldn't the absolute truth be something that a person would have to grow into? As in, different facets of it would be revealed as a person's experience and knowledge grow. Thus, the personalization of that truth should be a dynamic process. So, at different stages, for a Hindu, advaitham, dvaitham and visishtadvaitham could all work... because life is dynamic. So, although the basic truth wouldn't change, the internalization ought to be dynamic too! Now, we can easily go on to incorporate other non-Hindu views as well... keeping the same explanation in mind. What a person best identifies with, at that stage of his life, as long as it helps him move forward with happiness and strength (and strong morality - just for the quibblers who start talking about psychopaths), is his religion or rather his life path. Worrying about absolute truth gets noone anywhere but toward warpath.

The thing I like about hinduism is basically this: you can start off with the epics as a kid and enjoy just the superficial story. Then, as you grow, the different tales and epics can be probed for deeper meanings. And finally you get to the point where you're researching the Bhagavad Gita at a time when you want to (and are not forced to by well-meaning adults), and when your intellect has sufficient background knowledge and experience-related gatherings to understand the deeper universal meaning propagated in the same. Given that I haven't much experience with the other religions, I will not talk about how they teach. All I know is that, in the end, the knowledge of self and spirituality propagated by any faith is one and the same. So, most respectfully, it cannot be but correct to say: To each his own! And if you want to delve even further... not even two Hindus belonging to the same family have the same definition of Hinduism... after all, each person's faith is strongly colored by his/her perception of reality and life! To give everyone a solid foundation for that freedom is the basic idea of spiritual education...

Physics and Visishtadvaitham

If you look at it from the purely theoretical point of view, the sentient soul and all other objects being different facets of the brahman would just be the ancient way of stating Einstein's principle: e=mc^2 - i.e. that matter and energy are equivalent. This would correspond to advaitham.

Then there's the duality principle: that anything can be considered either a particle or a wave, but only one or the other quality is manifest at any point of time... not both or a mixture of the two. This would correspond to dvaitham.

Now the question arises as to which view is correct? The thing is that at different scales of reality, in order to make sense of the result of some observation, when one or the other view is imposed, we get the correct relation! But that does not make one wrong or the other correct... I thought basically that this was what visishtadvaitham was saying - which is why i believe it to be the more elastic, dynamic and realistic realization of the truth..

vedic clutter...

About there being one view that the Vedas are 60% truth and 40% clutter... Is there really such a view? I couldn't believe that actually! I know that they are extremely difficult to understand but I mainly thought that was because a) The original Sanskrit was not quite understood anymore and b) That each verse in the Vedas can be interpreted to find physics, math, sprituality, and more!

A look inside...

What do you do when you find life putting you in a corner?
...turn the lights out, sigh and die a little inside?
I started down that road today...

A three legged stool am I, with one leg sawn half off;
Emotional instability is not something to be proud of!

It's either about being too complicated,
or complicating things too well...
Or having a spectacularly different mindset -
a different outlook to life and its challenges -
an upbringing with an enormous generosity of inputs
not shared by blood, concentrated or dilute.

I stared at the wall,
searching brick by brick,
for a sign -
a crack -
that blood supports blood.
I stared unblinking;
My eyes teared up;
An anaconda charitably metamorphosed into a turban for me -
lucky me! or not...

I blindly searched out my blankets -
one did not suffice.
Hiding, ashamed, in my warm cocoon -
unarmored to heart-shots
that disguise themselves
as well-intentioned advice,
as righteous boosts of encouragement,
as superior understanding seeking to lever me up
out of my own stupidity or disability...

But I am uncovering some idiocy...
Let me disabuse myself of any veil,
see my reflection the clearer!

Why am I thus unarmored?
My sense and my sensibility are in no way lacking.
If anything - the latter is rooted too deeply in me!

I have looked at the crystal of my understanding,
danced it this way and that...
allowed dancing rays to search out all possible angles...
searched deep for flaws...
hunted for broken symmetries...
and i find this out for myself:
the crystal is by no means perfect.
I have hewn it and honed it at the fires of my intellect
and my intellect is by no means the most acute.
But I am satisfied with the crystalline imperfections.
In truth, I find myself at the edge of pride -
conclusive and concrete -
that I lack no positives that blood seeks;
though I might not have reached that pinnacle of perfection
that Time encourages many to achieve;
but my time is yet to come...
And until then -
I have no need to hide my face from the sun.

here's a first...

just finding myself intricately bored right now... and finally gaining interest in seeking "netty" pleasures such as this... :P forgive this inane first attempt - there will be more when I get myself some brain food :D